is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Sext me about skeletons
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
