I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
