Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
