Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
