Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
she woke up with a sticky ear
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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