The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
