No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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