can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
people are starting to question the shark bite story
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Randomize
