if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
