dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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