I could have mohawked her pubes.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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