this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
