is your mom at the bar?
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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