I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
