I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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