I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
We left an ass print on the piano.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
