Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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