He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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