Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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