no you cant smoke seaweed
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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