Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
there's paper in my vomit.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
