Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
