I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
