You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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