I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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