I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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