I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Im part way to drunk.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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