Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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