3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
barbara walters just said penis...
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Randomize
