In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
