U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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