i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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