dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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