I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
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He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
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I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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