Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
