I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
