I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
