I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
