ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
