We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
