The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
