I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
