If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
