I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
