I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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