Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Found the puke drawer
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
