So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
