I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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