I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
my god I love twenty year old dicks
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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