So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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