Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
