I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
