i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
