If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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