i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
My ATM looks so different sober.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
