Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
