i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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