Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Randomize
