my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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