im drinking this country out of the recession.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
