And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
