Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
